Birth Mom Missions

Welcome to Birth Mom Missions, glad to see you here!

Birth Mom Missions is a nonprofit founded and managed by actual birth mother's of adoption. We provide a much needed (and often overlooked) service to women who have placed their child into another families arms, so tht they can have a better life. We offer guidance before, after and during the adoption proces... offering supportive groups (local and nationwide) of women who have been through the same thing. We are dedicated to providing nonjudgmental assistance to any woman facing an unplanned pregnancy and guidance for those who choose to become birth mothers.

Basically, we want to provide other women in the future with the knowledge and support that we wish we could have had from a birth mother. Someone who knew what it was like and was totally unbiased in providing our suport. Someone to talk to us, inform us, guide us, emphatize with us, and answer all our silly questions.

Becoming a birth mom is usually a very unfamiliar experience to most women.  One goal of the mission is to someday see every pregnant woman considering adoption, have at least one bith mother mentor.

The mission touches the lives of those adoptived, adoptive parents, hopeful adoptive parents, pregnant woman at risk, the unborn, and society in many ways!

Two birth mother's began this mission when they became aware of the great need for support of birth mother's post adoption. They had "roomed" together in a local adoption agengy dorm. During, their final 3 months of pregnancy. they experienced the good and the bad, the ups and the downs and everything else you could think of...together as birth mothers' of adoption,. They quickly realized just how important their friendship was then and continues to be.

"Until we became birth moms, I had no idea there even was such a thing. I had never really thought about it I guess...but the 3.5 million adopted children in our country had to come from somewhere I guessed! We want all adoptive children to know just how much they are loved." (a bmom)

(options to bithmom: lifemom, firstmom, tummymom, etc...In actuality most birth moms of adoption don't really care what they are called by the adoptive family and others....as long as they are called.)

"It seems that the grief which results from adoption loss more often follows a pattern which is the exact opposite of what one might expect in the case of other losses. I have reached certain conclusions on the grief associated with adoption loss, based on my own experience, the experiences of the women I have encountered and the books on grief and grief counselling which I have read. It became obvious to me that the common models of grief counselling would not work with mothers who had lost children through adoption. I concluded that the grief resulting from the loss of a child through adoption was fundamentally different from other types of grief. I explored grief associated with abortion, with stillbirth and neo-natal death and with loss of custody. Although there were some similarities, it seemed that adoption grief was unique. I read a book called Disenfranchised Grief edited by Kenneth Doka. His description of disenfranchised grief was very interesting, but nowhere in his book is there any mention of the grief experienced by mothers who have lost children through adoption. I decided to apply Doka's definition of disenfranchised grief and see if it fitted with what I already knew about adoption grief. Doka says that grief is disenfranchised when the grief is connected with a loss which cannot be openly acknowledged, publicly mourned or socially supported. He also says that in many cases of disenfranchised grief, the relationship is not recognised, the loss is not recognised or the griever is not recognised. The loss of a child through adoption is usually a loss which cannot be openly acknowledged, which is why mothers often suffer in silence...
people who have experienced any type of loss often feel anger, guilt, sadness, depression, hopelessness and numbness and that in cases of disenfranchised grief, these feelings can persist for a very long time. Doka states that mourners whose grief is disenfranchised are by virtue of this cut off from social supports and so have few opportunities to express and resolve their grief and that the result can be that they feel alienated from their community. The lack of recognition of their grief often results in them holding on to it more tenaciously than they might otherwise have done. All of that sounded very familiar to me." (
Adoption can be wonderful but it is better in our opinion not to "sugar coat" the truth for women or society...that does more harm than good and takes away from the importance a child has in any mother's heart) (Adoption and Loss - The Hidden Grief, by Evelyn R.)

The 3 main focuses within Birth Mom Missions are:

1. Support & Advice for Women pre-and post adoption. Sometimes people surrounding adoption can unintentionally cause a birth parent to feel guilty or shameful. Unfortunately, guilt and shame seem to be an ever-evolving presence in the life of a parent who has placed a child for adoption. While no two birth parents are going to experience guilt in the same way throughout their entire journeys, birth parents should find comfort in knowing that some other birth parent, somewhere on this Earth, has felt something similar. While our experiences are unique, the issue is not. You are never alone. A few of the services we will provide: local & nationwide supportive groups, online live meetings, prayer groups, monthly newsletters, triad forums, a 1-800 phone support line (maintained only by real birth mother's, who have been in a similar situation before,) worksheets and references for before and after to help women process the life changing events that have just occurred, and much more. We also help birth mom's in communication activities with the adoptive parents and help them vocalize all their important questions early.. It can be very intimidating making that first call to tell a couple they are about to have a family. (Many questions you might not think of, with all you have going on,) Most importantly a community of women and supporters of Birth Mom Missions praying for you through it all.

2. Birth Mom's for Life: Mother Teresa says it best, "I will tell you something beautiful. We are fighting abortion by adoption..." Pregnancy is an emotional time for a woman, even under the best of circumstances. She needs someone to lean on, particularly when she is young and inexperienced. In today's society, the "easy" solution of abortion becomes a constant temptation during this time. Mary and Elizabeth became great friends as they shared the joys and challenges of becoming mothers. Our mission is to cherish children, encourage families,and build community. We offer peer mentoring and support to all mothers who are expecting through pregnancy or adoption, or those who are experiencing the pain of miscarriage, stillbirth, abortion, or infertility. Volunteers offer support in the form of phone calls, cards, prayers, visits, emails, and educational resources

We advocate adoption as an REAL option and go to schools and other locations to spread the word about what an honor it is to be able to give the gift of life! Although it may be hard at sometimes to be a birth mother, we believe it is much harder to suffer an abortion. Some things, like a life, are never easily forgotten. Find our blog .her

3. Adoption Celebration, Advocacy & Reform- We want to spread how wonderful adoption can be, but we see some much needed things are changed. Adoption reform is very important to us. We were able to see a lot from our perspective, living with 30 other birth mothers in an adoption dorm. We seek to make sure every adoptee knows they are loved and missed everyday. Provide a resource for the community to see hwat real birth mother's are like...(promote Birth Mother's Day every year) Answer Adoptive parents questions they may have, to alieviate some fears.

Another goal of Birth Mom Missions is to increase media awareness of Birth Mother's day (which has been the day before mother's day every year since 1990)We have a few products for birth mom's at http://zazzle.com/birthmoms for sell, but mainly we would appreciate if you would help us spread the word by joining or telling someone about BirthMomMissions.Com, or becoming a fan of our facebook page, or other groups http://www.facebook.com/pages/Birth%20Mom%20Missions/80134589044

More Info:
"A grief reaction unique to the relinquishing mother was identified. Although this reaction consists of features characteristic of the normal grief reaction, these features persist and often lead to chronic, unresolved grief. CONCLUSIONS: The relinquishing mother is at risk for long-term physical, psychologic, and social repercussions. Although interventions have been proposed, little is known about their effectiveness in preventing or alleviating these repercussions." Journal of Obstetric, Gynecological and Neonatal Nursing, 1999 Jul-Aug. pp.395-400.

-Reality of birth mother knowledge today: Existing information about how deeply the birth mother has been affected by the relinquishment of her child will help society become more aware about how to deal with adoption in the future. Since the literature falls short of providing suggestions for services for birth mothers who want to heal, the next step is to raise the consciousness among the community and create services for her recovery.
-Many different groups of people fear birth parent grief for many reasons. The old adage goes that people fear what they don't know. So, we would like to shed a little light on why birth parent grief isn't meant to be scary to adoptive parents, adoptees or the general public.
-Still the truth remains that birth parents have parted with a huge piece of themselves. Even the most independent woman will tell you that having a child changes a woman's view of herself. Placing that child is akin to letting go of a piece of yourself.
The wording often offered up to birth parents searching for some answers comes out something like, "Well, it's for the best." Of course, birth parents can then internalize that well-intentioned placating sentence and start to wonder what is fundamentally wrong with them that their child is better off elsewhere. (See Guilt & Shame for more)
We stress the birth mother aspect because we feel it is what makes us unique and allows us to "tell it like it is" to women just like ourselves. We missed out on an older birth mom mentor, but we want to provide help to women in the future that become pregnant and choose life. It is best to find a birth mother that has experienced relinquishment within the past few years, because adoption has changed so drastically recently.

Why are we needed? Every year approximately 1.3 million single women become unexpectedly pregnant. Sadly, less than two percent choose the loving option of adoption, while two million couples eagerly wait to adopt children.

Donations:

Donations are graciously accepted. We hate asking however, which is something we will probably have to learn how to do in order to exist... but we hope if their is a need, God will find a way to fulfill it through our prayers. We strive to do what is good and we feel God is calling us to do...if we don't have the funds needed at any certain time, it can be a good indicator that we were not going in the right direction.

If you want to donate, of course, we would appreciate any donations no matter how small! All donors are honored in some way and have full knowledge of where ther money went and how (or who) there money is helping. It is not just a tax deductable charity donation, it's a gift that saves lives and gives women courage and hope in times of weakness. Right now, our 24/7 Crisis pregnancy Hotline and Post Adoption Support gets the most activity and so any small funds would go directly towards that payment. Our online presence is the next area item difficult costly to maintain. We offer individual counseling and spread awareness and love for all those involved in the adoption triad! Let us know how we can help you or if you are interested in getting more involved. Join one of our MANY groups or social networks!

SO IF YOUR ADOPTED, REMEMBER:
Somebody is very proud of you.
Somebody is thinking of you.
Somebody misses you.
Somebody wants to be with you.
Somebody is thankful for you.
Somebody wants to hold your hand.
Somebody hopes everything turns out all right.
Somebody wants you to be happy.
Somebody wants to give you a gift.
Somebody thinks you ARE a gift.
Somebody wants to hug you.
Somebody wants to protect you.
Somebody can't wait to see you.
Somebody loves you for who you are.
Somebody treasures your spirit.
Somebody wants you to know they never forgot you..
Somebody would do anything for you.
Somebody wants to share their dreams with you.
Somebody believes in you.
Somebody will cry when they read this.
Somebody needs you to have faith in them.
Somebody hears a song that reminds them of you.
Somebody hopes you understand.
Somebody wonders if you will love them.
Somebody is your birth mom out there...

Learn More

Founded in 2009 by two birth mother's, who were once roomates in an adoption agency doom, began the mission when they became aware of the great need for support of birth mother's post adoption.