Birth Mom Missions, Changing the face of adoption

Welcome to Birth Mom Missions, glad to see you here!

Birth Mom Missions provides a much needed (and often overlooked) service to women who have placed their child for adoption. We offer guidance before, after and during the adoption process to all women who ask, regardless of their choices made. Much of this is done through phone conversations, emails, letters, prayers and social networking correspondence. We are dedicated to providing nonjudgmental assistance to any woman facing an unplanned pregnancy and guidance for those who choose to become birth mothers.

Birthmothers started the mission, when they realized the great need for support before and after an adoption.

Birth Mothers have parted with a huge piece of themselves. Even the most independent woman will tell you that having a child changes a woman's view of herself. Placing that child is akin to letting go of a piece of yourself. The wording often offered up to birth parents searching for some answers comes out something like, "Well, it's for the best." Of course, birth parents can then internalize that well-intentioned placating sentence and start to wonder what is fundamentally wrong with them that their child is better off elsewhere.

We offer local supportive groups (growing nationwide) made up of women who have been through the similar experiences. We want to provide young women in the future with the knowledge and support that we wish we had from a birth mother. Someone who knew what it was like and was unbiased. Someone to talk to us, inform us, guide us, emphasize with us, and answer all our silly questions. One goal of the mission is to someday see every pregnant woman that is considering adoption,to have at least one birth mother mentor.

The mission touches the lives of those adopted, adoptive parents, hopeful adoptive parents, pregnant woman at risk, the unborn, and other parts of society in ways yet to be seen.

Some background:

It seems that the grief which results from adoption loss more often follows a pattern which is the exact opposite of what one might expect in the case of other losses. From my research, I have made certain conclusions on the grief associated with adoption loss, based on my own experience, the experiences of the women I have encountered and the books on grief and grief counselling which I have read. It became obvious to me that the common models of grief counselling would not work with mothers who had lost children through adoption. I concluded that the grief resulting from the loss of a child through adoption was fundamentally different from other types of grief. I explored grief associated with abortion, with stillbirth and neo-natal death and with loss of custody. Although there were some similarities, it seemed that adoption grief was unique.

This disenfranchised grief is when the grief is connected with a loss which cannot be openly acknowledged, publicly mourned or socially supported. In many cases of disenfranchised grief, the relationship is not recognised, the loss is not recognised or the griever is not recognized. The loss of a child through adoption is usually a loss which cannot be openly acknowledged, which is why mothers often suffer in silence...people who have experienced any type of loss often feel anger, guilt, sadness, depression, hopelessness and numbness and that in cases of disenfranchised grief, these feelings can persist for a very long time. The lack of recognition of their grief often results in them holding on to it more tenaciously than they might otherwise have done.

CONCLUSIONS: The relinquishing mother is at risk for long-term physical, psychological, and social repercussions. Although interventions have been proposed, little is known about their effectiveness in preventing or alleviating these repercussions." (Journal of Obstetric, Gynecological and Neonatal Nursing, 1999 Jul-Aug. pp.395-400)

We hope to help change this by raising awareness among the community and supporting each other through the process of recovery.

Many different groups of people fear birth parent grief for many reasons. The old adage goes that people fear what they don't know. So, we would like to shed a little light on why birth parent grief isn't meant to be scary to adoptive parents, adoptees or the general public.

We stress the birth mother aspect to our mission, because we feel it is what makes us a unique organization and allows us to truly "tell it like it is" to women just like ourselves. Unfortunately we missed out on a birth mom mentor but we saw the need for this. We can think of no greater satisfaction than to help women in the future that experience an unexpected or crisis pregnancy and choose life. We are dedicated to providing nonjudgmental assistance to any woman facing an unplanned pregnancy and guidance for those who choose to become birth mothers.

Another goal of Birth Mom Missions is to increase media awareness of Birth Mother's day (set in 1990 as the day before mother's day each year)

About Founders:

Two birth mother's began this mission when they became aware of the great need for support of birth mother's post adoption. They had "roomed" together in a local adoption agengy dorm. During, their final 3 months of pregnancy. they experienced the good and the bad, the ups and the downs and everything else you could think of...together as birth mothers' of adoption,. They quickly realized just how important their friendship was then and continues to be. They lived with 30 other birth mothers (ages 13 to 40) and wre able to see several different perspectives on adoption from all sides of the triad (as the dorm was at an adoption facility)

(options to birthmom: lifemom, firstmom, tummymom, etc...In actuality most birth moms of adoption don't really care what they are called by the adoptive family and others....as long as they are called.)

The 3 main goals within Birth Mom Missions are:

1. Support & Advice for Women pre-and post adoption.

Life after adoption is different and it's hard to know what it will feel like until you experience it. Sometimes people surrounding adoption can unintentionally cause a birth parent to feel guilty or shameful. Unfortunately, guilt and shame seem to be an ever-evolving presence in the life of a parent who has placed a child for adoption. While no two birth parents are going to experience guilt in the same way throughout their entire journeys, birth parents should find comfort in knowing that some other birth parent, somewhere on this Earth, has felt something similar. While our experiences are unique, the issue is not. You are never alone.

A few of the services we will provide: local & nationwide supportive groups, online live meetings, prayer groups, monthly newsletters, triad forums, a 1-800 phone support line (maintained only by real birth mother's, who have been in a similar situation before,) worksheets and references for before and after to help women process the life changing events that have just occurred, and much more. We also help birth mom's in communication activities with the adoptive parents and help them vocalize all their important questions early.. It can be very intimidating making that first call to tell a couple they are about to have a family. (Many questions you might not think of, with all you have going on,) Most importantly a community of women and supporters of Birth Mom Missions praying for you through it all.

2. Birth Mom's for Life:

Every year approximately 1.3 million single women become unexpectedly pregnant. Sadly, less than two percent choose the loving option of adoption, while two million couples eagerly wait to adopt children. The abortion rate continues to rise. Each day, women wake up in our community believing abortion is the only realistic solution to an unplanned pregnancy. In this tragic decision, not only is a human life snuffed out, but a woman’s life is changed forever. Mother Teresa says it best, "I will tell you something beautiful. We are fighting abortion by adoption..." Pregnancy is an emotional time for a woman, even under the best of circumstances. She needs someone to lean on, particularly when she is young. In today's society, the "easy" solution of abortion becomes a constant temptation during this time. Our mission is to cherish children, encourage secure families, and tell women of the experiences we have had and/or witnessed. We offer peer mentoring and support to all mothers who are expecting through pregnancy or adoption, or those who are experiencing the pain of miscarriage, stillbirth, abortion, or infertility. Volunteers offer support in the form of phone calls, cards, prayers, visits, emails, and educational resources

We advocate adoption as an REAL option and go to schools and other locations to spread the word about what an honor it is to be able to give the gift of life! Although it may be hard at sometimes to be a birth mother, we believe it is much harder to suffer an abortion. Some things, like a life, are never easily forgotten.

3. Adoption Celebration, Advocacy & Reform-

We want to spread how wonderful adoption can be, while we adress some things that could be changed for the better. We were able to see a lot from our perspective, living at an adoption agency dorm. We seek to make sure every adoptee knows they are loved and missed everyday. The worst pain is that of feeling unwanted, and they were always wanted! And finally, we provide a resource for the community to see what real birth mother's are like (instead of the "made for TV version" many are exposed to) We promote Birth Mother's Day every year, Answering Adoptive parents questions they may have, and alieviate some fears on all sides.

Donations/Support:

We have a few products for birth mom's at http://zazzle.com/birthmoms for sell, but mainly we would appreciate if you would help us spread the word by joining or telling someone about BirthMomMissions.Com. You can becoming a fan of our facebook page, or many other groups listed on this page.

Donations are graciously accepted. We hate asking for them, which is something we will probably have to learn how to do in order to exist! We strive to do what is good. Of course we would love to do what is best for everyone in the triad. We feel that God is calling us to do...if we don't have the funds needed at any certain time, it can be a good indicator that we were not going in the right direction! We think that should be our goal, but the child is the one who we think the adoption should be centered around. In order for Birth MOther's to gain respect and understnading in society, we must also never forget to give our child the respect they deserve and to be aware of what affect adoption will have on anyone.

All donors are honored in some way and will have full knowledge of where donatons where (or who) there money is helping. It is not just a tax deductable charity donation, it's a gift that saves lives and gives women courage and hope in times of weakness. Right now, our 24/7 Crisis pregnancy Hotline and Post Adoption Support gets the most activity and so any small funds would go directly towards that payment. Our online presence is the next area item difficult costly to maintain. We offer individual counseling and spread awareness and love for all those involved in the adoption triad! Let us know how we can help you or if you are interested in getting more involved. Please join one of our MANY groups or social networks!

http://www.facebook.com/adoptionsupport

We are just getting started so hang with us until we iron out the kinks. Any advice or suggestions are always appreciated. In the first few weeks of our mission, we experienced some domain issues and may have lost some emails sent to us. If you are one of those who never got a reply, please send again and we truly apologize for not responding sooner.

SO IF YOUR ADOPTED, REMEMBER:
Somebody is very proud of you.
Somebody is thinking of you.
Somebody misses you.
Somebody wants to be with you.
Somebody is thankful for you.
Somebody wants to hold your hand.
Somebody hopes everything turns out all right.
Somebody wants you to be happy.
Somebody wants to give you a gift.
Somebody thinks you ARE a gift.
Somebody wants to hug you.
Somebody wants to protect you.
Somebody can't wait to see you.
Somebody loves you for who you are.
Somebody treasures your spirit.
Somebody wants you to know they never forgot you..
Somebody would do anything for you.
Somebody wants to share their dreams with you.
Somebody believes in you.
Somebody will cry when they read this.
Somebody needs you to have faith in them.
Somebody hears a song that reminds them of you.
Somebody hopes you understand.
Somebody wonders if you will love them.
Somebody is your birth mom out there...

*Just Some of Our Services
o Forums
o Visitation Videos
o Presentations at adoption agencies
o Call Center
o Post-Adoption Healing
o Labor and Birth Filming
o Members Mailing List
o Capturing Moments
o Crisis Pregnancy Hotline
o Speaking Engagements
o Birth Mom Network
o Prayer Day at Abortion Clinics
o For Birth Moms
* Ask a B Mom
o Crisis Pregnancy Hotline
o Answer Adoptive Parents
o Founders' Blogs
o What not to say to a birth mother
* Support Us
o Shop
+ Custom DVD's for Kid's
+ About You Video
+ Photo Keepsakes
+ Adoption E-cards

grief

You must install Adobe Flash to view this content.

DID YOU KNOW?
Fast facts about pregnancy, adoption and abortion
Pregnancy

There are 6.3 million pregnancies a year in the U.S. 49% of pregnancies among American women are unintended. At 18 days after conception, the (baby's) heart is forming, and the eyes start to develop. By 21 days, the heart is pumping blood throughout the body. At 42 days after conception (6 weeks), a baby's brain waves can be recorded, and the baby's skeleton is complete. 79% babies born at 25 weeks' gestation in the U.S. survive.

Adoption

2.5% of U.S. children under the age of 18 are adopted. There are 16 adoptions for every 1,000 nonmarital live births. Nearly 4 in 10 American adults (81.5 million) have considered adoption. Since 1987, the number of adoptions annually in the U.S. has remained relatively constant, ranging from 118,000 to 127,000. An estimated 10 million couples would attempt to adopt a child domestically if they felt they had a realistic opportunity to do so. 48% families considering adoption turn to their houses of worship for support and information. A growing nunber of children are now placed through independent (private) adoption with estimates ranging from 1/2 to 2/3 of infant adoptions. 2% of unmarried women at any age place their children for adoption. In 1998, 56% of Americans held a "very favorable" opinion of adoption. Today, 63% hold this opinion. November is National Adoption Awareness Month. Fewer than 50,000 children find families through intercountry adoption each year.

Abortion

"The 3,733 abortions occurring every day in America are ... more than all the lives lost in the September 11, 2001 destruction of the World Trade Center." Randy Alcorn in Why Pro-Life? Half of unplanned pregnancies in America end in abortion; 24% of all pregnancies (excluding miscarriage) end in abortion. 84% women who have had an abortion say they would have kept their babies under different circumstances. 8 out of 10 pregnancy care centers (PCCs) report that abortion-minded women decide to keep their babies after seeing ultrasound images. Only 1/3 Americans find abortion morally acceptable; 2/3 find it morally wrong. An overwhelming number of teens find abortion abhorrent ... maybe it's because millions of other teens who would have been their friends and peers never made it out of the womb. For every 1,000 abortions, there are just 17 infant adoptions.